


Androgyne

by MrMich



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Katsuki Yuuri, Ice Skating, Realization, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 08:37:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8482741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrMich/pseuds/MrMich
Summary: Yuri realizing and understanding what it means to be genderfluid.





	1. Chapter 1

Things began to shift for Yuri. All he had wanted was for Minako-sensei to show him how to move like a woman. He hadn’t expected it to feel so right.

He brushed it off as falling into the role of the woman seducing all the men in the village, and continued practicing his movements, noticing that each position became more natural as time went on. He felt something settle in him, but didn’t really know what it was, and ignored it as something unimportant in the moment.

It wasn’t until Hot Springs on Ice that he really understood.

The more feminine movements felt right for him; his body made sense to him. It felt like he figured something out that he was missing his whole life.

He was a woman.

Well, in part at least. He was also comfortable in his skin as a man, but the realization of feeling so right when enacting more feminine traits made things more clear than they'd ever been before.


	2. Chapter 2

The moment that he saw Victor’s old costume Yuri knew that it was the one. He didn’t know exactly why, but something about it was pulling him in, almost telling him that it was really the only choice. He figured that it was because he remembered reenacting Victor’s performance as a kid with Yu-chan, and how he held that memory close to his heart.

As soon as he put it on, he immediately felt more settled in his own skin than he had for years. Maybe even forever.

It was perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuri heard screaming coming from his house and panicked for a minute before remembering that Victor was there and it was probably nothing to worry about.

He was wrong.

Somehow Victor had found Yuri’s childhood photos, and his mom had not only let it happen, she pulled out all the numerous other embarrassing photos of him as a chubby faced kid and presented them to Victor cheerfully. 

Yuri was appropriately horrified.

Victor, on the other hand, was ecstatic, gushing over how cute Yuri had been as a small, pudgy child. 

Victor turned the page in the photo album, and immediately gasped in delight. “Wow, Yuri! You were so precious! You looked just like an adorable little girl!”

A six year old Yuri grinned up from the photo, wearing a flower print skirt and white blouse. A red headband with a bow sat on top of his hair, and bracelets were tangled around his wrist. If anything, Victor’s words were an understatement.

“Maybe we should put you in a dress for your next routine! Just think of how much the crowd would love that!”

Victor laughed obnoxiously.

Yuri could feel the heat in his face and the tips of his ears. “Victor! Don’t even joke about that!”

He started grumbling to himself about Victor’s dumb ideas, but in the back of his mind, he admitted to himself that it’s certainly not the worst idea Victor’s had.


	4. Chapter 4

Phichit and Yuri were sitting at a café together chatting over milkshakes, catching up on what the other had been doing since they’d last seen each other. While they’d stayed in contact, they really only communicated the big things with each other, like Phichit’s sister getting married and Yuri getting back into competition skating, so it was nice to just talk about the minor things that they had going on in their lives. And, as it always did with them, the conversation turned to skating.

“Your skating has totally changed! You look so… comfortable? It just seems to suit you a lot more now. You can’t tell me that you haven’t noticed that you’re better!” Phichit waved a spoon emphatically in Yuri’s face. “So, what changed? Other than having Victor as your coach, I mean.”

Yuri looked up, trying to find the exact moment he could really tell his skating changed. “Hmm, I guess when I was skating Eros for the first time? I wasn’t getting it for the longest time because I’m not a playboy – I’m more the woman that seduces the men, so I asked Minako-sensei how to move more like a woman, and it just kind of clicked into place. Oh! But when I was skating Eros for the Cup of China, I definitely played the role in a more masculine way. Ah, I guess I’m not actually sure what changed.”

“I think I see what you’re getting at. So you’re saying that you sometimes feel more comfortable skating as a woman than a man, and vice versa, right?” 

“Uh, I guess so?” Yuri looked uncertain.

“So are you maybe genderfluid then?” 

“What?”

Phichit sighed at Yuri’s uncomprehending expression.

“Genderfluid people are both male and female at varying times. Maybe one day they’re a woman and the next they’re a man – it just depends on how they feel at any given moment.”

“And you think that could be me?” Yuri frowned in thought.

“From what you just told me, I think it’s possible. You can always explore it outside your skating to see if it feels comfortable to you in everyday life. What do you want to do? Whatever it is, I can help!” Phichit grinned.

“I - I, uh, don’t really know what I want to do. What should I do?” Yuri looked a little overwhelmed, a fact Phichit seemed to notice.

“You don’t have to do anything. How about you look more into it later tonight and you can decide from there? And if you want help or anything, I’m just a text away.”

“Uh, okay. I’ll do that. Later. Yeah. But for now, why don’t we just enjoy our milkshakes?”


	5. Chapter 5

When he’d searched “genderfluid” on the internet, hundreds of thousands of results came up. Yuri looked through each of them methodically, all the while thinking about if it felt right for him. He read a lot of first hand experiences in particular, and while he couldn’t always relate to them, he could definitely understand where they were coming from. 

And he felt kind of… excited.

All the stories people told about finding out about themselves and figuring out what felt right and what didn’t were inspiring. It made him want to try out what he was comfortable with, what made him feel more at home in his skin, how he wanted to look or act. 

But he didn’t really know where to start.

There was so much to consider – should he start with something physical, like wearing makeup? Or should he consider the way he acted on a daily basis first? Thinking about it all was a little too overwhelming, so Yuri shut off his computer with the resolve to continue it the next day, when he’d become a little more familiar with the idea.

For now, Yuri decided that he would just continue as he normally would and take life one step at a time.


	6. Chapter 6

It was a day later that Yuri finally made a decision. Neither of them would be in China for long, so if he was going to take advantage of Phichit’s help, it would have to be now. He texted Phichit a little nervously and waited for a few minutes before he got a response. As soon as his phone buzzed, he grabbed for it, and in his haste, ended up tossing it across the room. 

He covered his face and took in a few deep breaths to calm down. 

Once he was no longer freaking out, he slowly made his way towards his phone and picked it up. Phichit had texted him back an enthusiastic reply which included more emojis than there were letters, the entirety of which could be summed up as a simple ‘yes.’ 

Yuri sighed, feeling both relieved and apprehensive. There was no doubting that he was a little scared, but he was also kind of excited. It was a possibility of exploring who he was, and maybe if he was able to figure it out, he’d be able to feel right all the time instead of only sometimes. He might be able to maintain the confidence he felt when he was on the ice in his everyday life, and some days might stop feeling so... off. 

He grabbed his phone and keys and shoved his shoes on to start making his way toward the hotel Phichit was staying at. (It was unspoken that Yuri experimenting in a place where Victor could walk in was a bad idea. Not because Victor would be disgusted or upset, but because Victor was Victor, which was a good enough explanation in and of itself.)

Yuri’s heart was pounding, and he didn’t know if it was from exhilaration or anxiety.

When he finally arrived at the hotel, Phichit dashed into the lobby and grabbed Yuri’s arm, dragging him to his room. Yuri just let himself be dragged, knowing from experience that any sort of resistance would be futile.

As soon as Phichit pulled Yuri into the room, he turned around with a big smile on his face. Yuri wondered at this point if it was too late to back out. As if reading his thoughts, Phichit tightened the grip on Yuri’s arm, making any escape attempts impossible.

Phichit broke the silence. “What do you want to try?”

“I, uh. I have no idea how I want to start any of this. It’s actually why I contacted you. What - what do you think I should do first?”

“Well, there’s no ‘should’ or anything. It’s just what you’re comfortable exploring, so maybe start with something small? I have makeup and hair clips we could use. Would you be okay with that?” Phichit let go of Yuri’s arm and stepped further into the room, moving towards towards the things he had bought in preparation for Yuri’s experimenting. They were all just cheap makeup, nail, and hair products (along with a small hand mirror) that he had picked up at a convenience store nearby, but for something like this, they worked just as well as any top brand products. 

He held the bag they were in towards Yuri. “What do you think?”

Yuri took the bag from Phichit and looked inside it, feeling awkward and a little overwhelmed. “So, uh, what do we do with all this?”

Phichit beamed. “We give each other makeovers, of course!” He sat down on the floor, gesturing for Yuri to do the same. He grabbed the bag back from Yuri and dumped its contents out on the ground. “Let’s start with hair and then move onto the makeup! You’re going to have to take off your glasses, though.”

Yuri pulled off his glasses, still apprehensive, but Phichit’s enthusiasm was infectious, and Yuri felt himself relaxing.

Until Phichit almost jabbed him in the eye with a bobby pin. “Hey! Watch what you’re doing with that!”

Phichit just laughed. “Sorry! My bad!” 

Phichit swept some of Yuri’s bangs to the side and pinned them. He let the rest of the bangs fall straight on his forehead, and combed his hair flat. Phichit pulled away from his handiwork and nodded in satisfaction. It was a simple change, but enough of one to make a more feminine nuance. 

“What did you do to my hair? Does it look bad?”

Phichit put his hands over his heart in mock hurt. “Do you really trust my skills so little, Yuri? I’ll have you know that it looks quite pretty. My hairstyling skills are perfect.”

Yuri reached towards the mirror but Phichit slapped his hand away. “You can’t look until I’m all done, and I still have to do your makeup!”

Yuri pouted a little, but didn’t make any more grabs for the mirror.

Phichit hummed and grabbed an indigo eyeshadow and a brush, bringing the brush closer to Yuri’s eyelid. Yuri scooted back a bit.

“Do you even know what you’re doing?”

“Nope!” Phichit’s answer was not at all reassuring. “But we can figure it out, right? Makeup can’t be that complicated.”

Yuri sighed and let him do what he wanted. Phichit applied the eyeshadow, and after that some black eyeliner and mascara, and a subtle pink lipstick. It actually felt kind of nice.

After a few minutes Phichit pulled back. “I’m done! I think it looks pretty good.”

Yuri put his glasses back on and looked into the mirror. He immediately burst out laughing.

“Hey!” Phichit said, affronted. “I thought I did a good job!”

This only made Yuri laugh harder, to the point where he was wheezing and clutching at his stomach. 

The eyeshadow was far too thick, and looked just the faintest bit like someone had given him two black eyes, the mascara clumped together so that his eyelashes looked less like eyelashes and more like one large eyelash, and the lipstick brought to mind a little kid coloring outside the lines in a coloring book. The eyeliner was surprisingly good though. It was the only thing that didn’t make him look like a cross between a low end prostitute and a clown.

Yuri snatched the makeup and hair clips from Phichit once he stopped laughing. “Alright, now it’s my turn!” 

Yuri took a couple black snap clips and pinned his bangs to the side and top of Phichit’s head, getting most of his hair off his face. There wasn’t much that he could do with Phichit’s short hair other than that, so he reached for some eyeshadow instead. 

The color that he picked was a light pink, knowing from Phichit’s mistake on Yuri’s face that using a dark color would probably not turn out for the best. Even if he himself looked like Georgi skating Carabosse, he didn’t want to have to look at someone else who did too. One of them with makeup like that was already one too many.

Yuri grabbed Phichit’s face and started brushing the eyeshadow on his eyelids, making sure to have it fade more in color the closer it got to the top of his eyelid. When that was finished he reached for the eyeliner before deciding that he really didn’t trust himself with a stick pointed right at Phichit’s eye. Instead he took the mascara and applied it to Phichit’s eyelashes. He couldn’t stop it from clumping a little, but he figured that it was probably fine. Then he picked up a dark red lipstick and put it on Phichit. When he leaned back to consider his work, he realized that the eyeshadow was a little uneven and the lipstick sometimes went just outside the edge of the lip, but overall it wasn’t terrible.

“Alright, I’m finished.” 

Phichit looked into the mirror, impressed. “This is really good, Yuri! I look so nice!” He then made a few faces in the mirror, pouting his lips and making kissy faces at his reflection.

They washed off their faces, and spent the next few hours experimenting with different colors and ways of applying the makeup, interspersed with giving each other various styles of beards and mustaches. Although they were slightly improving with each time they applied the makeup to each other’s faces, some of the attempts were bad enough that it sent both Yuri and Phichit into howling fits of laughter.

They had spent a few hours together before Yuri got a text from Victor asking him where he was. The text made both Phichit and Yuri realize how much time had passed, and they decided to say goodbye. 

Just as Yuri was about to walk out the door, Phichit shoved the bag full of makeup into his hands. 

“You should keep it! You’ll get more use out of it than I will, anyways.”

Yuri smiled at Phichit. “Thanks. For all of this, I mean.”

“No problem. We should do it again!” Phichit grinned at Yuri.

They waved goodbye at each other and Yuri left, setting back towards his own hotel.

As he was walking, Yuri glanced down at the bag, and felt his world open up just a bit more. It was a comforting feeling.

When he got back to his room, he stashed the bag under his bed before calling out to Victor. 

“I’m back!” 

Victor opened the door to his room. “Welcome back, Yuri! Did you have fun?”Yuri beamed at Victor. 

“Yeah! It was nice hanging out with Pichit since we don’t see each other a lot anymore.”

Victor leaned against the doorway. “That’s good. You look really happy.”

“I… I guess I am.” Yuri was a little bewildered by how content he was feeling just from putting on a little makeup with his friend, but decided that if this was what made him feel good, he would continue to figure out who he was and why he felt that way.

“Well, it’s good that one of us is happy. I mean, after losing like that, I would’ve thought that you’d be moping. I’m definitely not feeling particularly happy right now.” Victor smiled. “So promise me you’ll work harder, okay?”

Yuri felt a shiver go down his spine. “I promise!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how late this is - I've had a lot of negative things happen lately. But to make up for the tardiness, this chapter is extra long!


	7. Chapter 7

Yuri was glad that he lived in a city with so many people. It meant that he wouldn’t feel particularly nervous about buying makeup - there were so many people that they just didn’t care about what a stranger was buying. 

He walked into a convenience near his house, and made a beeline towards the makeup section. He was a little embarrassed, and he almost talked himself into pretending he was only at the store for a candy bar, but he steeled his nerves and walked to the section where the beauty supplies were. 

Looking at all the products on the shelves and not knowing what over half of them were for was overwhelming, so he decided to focus only on what he knew and looked over the selections for eyeshadow, eyeliner, lipstick and lipgloss, blush, and nail polish. The rest he would ignore until he found out what they were actually for. 

Yuri picked out a few of each type in different colors that he liked, and satisfied with what he had in his arms, went to the checkout. By the time the items were scanned, paid for, and in a shopping bag, his wallet was feeling much lighter.

“Man, I never knew makeup was so expensive,” he groaned. The girl who had scanned his purchases just giggled at him and wished him a good day.

When he got back to his home, he went straight up to his room, and put his new items away for later, when he was sure no one would bother him.

A couple hours later, when dinner was done and everyone split off to do their own thing, Yuri retreated to his room and to his new supplies. He sat on the floor and spread out all the makeup products on the floor. He reached for one of the eyeshadows but hesitated. Even with all the experimenting he and Phichit had done, neither had really known what to do with all the makeup.

Instead of grabbing the makeup, he grabbed his phone. He unlocked it and opened up YouTube, clicking on the search bar and typing in ‘makeup tutorials.’ 

To say that there were a lot of results was an understatement. Yuri panicked a bit, looking at some of the titles, which said what kind of makeup they were tutorials for. Finally he clicked on one that just said ‘Makeup Tutorial For Beginners.’

Right from the beginning he knew that he was still a little out of his league. He didn’t know the first thing about makeup - he thought it was all colors that people used on their lips and eyes, and yet each video he clicked on brought up using foundation and concealer and using different brushes that all looked the same to blend the skin tone colors.

It was just too much, and he didn’t understand any of it.

He sighed, and decided to leave the makeup for a day when he actually had all the materials. A little disappointed, he turned to the nail polish instead.

He opened the bottle of a shimmery navy blue that he liked and instantly recoiled. It had been a while since his sister had painted her nails, and he had forgotten how truly awful it smelled. 

He started drawing the brush against his nails, but there had been too much polish on the brush and it spread unevenly and went over the edges of his cuticle. He cursed a little, and tried ineffectually to dab at the rapidly spreading blue. Yuri was getting frustrated - he thought he’d be able to at least do something as simple as painting nails, but apparently he was unprepared for even that. 

He decided to keep trying anyways, but each nail was only slightly better than the last, and they all looked like disasters. The blue polish had gotten all over his fingers, and pooled along the edge of each nail. Trying to fix it meant it only got on more of his hands. In his effort to wipe the polish off, he knocked the bottle over and spilled it across the paper he’d laid down before he started.

In short, it was a mess. 

Yuri’s eyes teared up a little out of frustration. He decided to just give up, and started reaching for the bottle of nail polish remover when there was a knock on the door. 

“Yuri! Let’s go take a bath!” 

Yuri lunged for the door, but Victor opened it before he could stop it from opening.

Victor stopped short and looked at the mess of nail polish, both on Yuri’s hands and the paper on the floor to protect it from spills. (Yuri was so glad that he had chosen to do that, he’d been so close to not using anything.)

“Were you trying to paint your nails? Or the floor?” Victor laughed.

To his dismay, Yuri could feel frustrated tears begin to well up again, and couldn’t stop them from spilling over. 

Even though he tried to hide it, Victor noticed almost immediately.

“I’m sorry! It can be fixed, it’s not a big deal, Yuri. I can help you fix your nails, it’ll be fine.” Victor grabbed Yuri’s hands. “Do you have nail polish remover?”

Yuri nodded.

“I’ll be right back after I get cotton swabs. I can show you how to fix it, it’ll be okay.”

Victor left the room for a few minutes and came back with a small container of cotton swabs. He took the nail polish remover and sat on the floor, gesturing for Yuri to do the same. Victor dipped one of the swabs in the nail polish remover, and reached for Yuri’s right hand. He gently swiped the swab along the edge of the nails, clearing away the polish covering the sides and tips of Yuri’s fingers before moving on to the small spots of blue on his palm. Once that hand was finished Victor took Yuri’s left hand and repeated the process.

“Do you want to talk about this?” Victor asked.

Yuri, who hadn’t really planned on telling anyone about being genderfluid yet, decided that it would probably be better if Victor knew. It was Victor after all, and the thought of him being anything but supportive was ridiculous, and even though trying to explain it was a little scary, Yuri knew Victor wouldn’t ridicule him.

The main problem was that Yuri wasn’t sure he knew how to explain it.

“I’m not…” Yuri took a deep breath. “Sometimes I’m a girl, I think. And - and thinking of myself as a guy is… wrong. It just feels… not right,” he finished, a little lamely.

Victor nodded. “Is there anything I can do?”

Yuri looked at him, surprised. 

Taking in the stunned expression on Yuri’s face, Victor pouted. “Do you really think so low of me that I wouldn’t help you out in this situation?” He covered his face with his hands and wailed. “My own student thinks I’m a terrible person! He hates me!”

He peeked through his fingers when he heard Yuri laugh. Hiding his smile in his palms, he exclaimed, “This is no laughing matter, Yuri! I have to-!” He broke off in laughter, unable to keep the charade.

The two of them sat laughing on the floor for a while, and when they finally stopped, Victor looked Yuri in the eyes and said, “If you ever need anything from me, just tell me.” 

Yuri nodded.

Victor grinned suddenly, “Alright! Now that everything’s settled, let’s go take a bath!” He grabbed Yuri’s hand and dragged him out of the room, ignoring all the protests Yuri was making.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is centered around dysphoria, so it could get uncomfortable.

Yuri woke up. He started his morning routine, still half asleep, but he stopped when he was getting dressed. He was shirtless, and looking down at the flat planes and angles of his body made him feel sick. 

It was hard to breathe, and everything about him felt inherently wrong.

This was the most intense he’d had this feeling. He’d felt it on and off through for the past few years, but it had been increasing in intensity ever since he found out that he was genderfluid.

There were a lot more days that he felt like he was suffocating, that he avoided mirrors, that he shut himself away.

He shuddered. His body was disgusting. Full stop. It was gross, it didn’t fit right and his skin crawled.

He slipped on the largest shirt and sweatpants he could find, hoping that he wouldn’t have to acknowledge how wrong his body was if he couldn’t see it.

It made him feel a little better, but only just enough to function.

He took a deep breath and pushed open his bedroom door.

 

 

He was fine the next day. He felt good, like he fit just right into his body, and he didn’t feel nauseous when he looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t even imagine feeling as disgusted by his body as he had only the day before. It was confusing, and it made him question himself sometimes. Maybe it wasn’t as big a deal as he thought it was and made it out to be. Maybe he was just going crazy. 

Maybe something was wrong with him.

 

 

Other days he woke up and, while he didn’t feel quite right, it wasn’t bad. Just a small niggling in his brain, like he forgot something and couldn’t remember what it was. These were actually the easiest days to deal with, because he didn’t feel completely wrong and gross, but he could see how he could feel so wrong. It ensured him that he wasn’t crazy, that he really did and could have these powerful feelings of hate and disgust towards his own body. 

These days were the ones he didn’t feel the most comfortable, but they were the most settled he would usually be mentally. 

 

 

It was scary going from day to day, not knowing if he would wake up able to function, or if his body would make him cringe. 

He was sick of it. Sick of not having at least some control over his own state of mind, sick of having to go through this on a daily basis. Most of all, though, he was sick of feeling like this.

He just wanted it to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck dysphoria. Seriously.


	9. Chapter 9

Yuri was fed up with feeling grossed out by his body and decided to do something about it. He vaguely remembered how people dealt with it from when he googled what genderfluid meant, but only what they did, not how they felt. 

He decided to google it again, paying more attention to how people felt from day to day about their bodies.

He found the words ‘gender dysphoria’ and the stories of hundreds of people just like him.

Yuri was so relieved. He wasn’t alone in this. There were others, so many others, that experienced the same things, that dealt with all of these emotions and the distress of not fitting right.

Not being alone made a huge difference, and Yuri felt like he could almost breathe again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years!

“Yuri!” Victor barged into Yuri’s room with no respect for the fact that it was an ungodly hour in the morning and that some people just really needed their sleep because some people had gone drinking with sister until three hours previous.

The only response that Victor got was a few mumbles and the sight of Yuri disappearing as he burrowed under the covers.

Victor was not to be deterred.

“Yuri, wake up, I have a present for you!” He started pulling at the covers, determined to get Yuri’s attention and knowing that, at this point in time, he couldn’t even begin to compete with Yuri’s warm blankets. However, Victor misjudged the extent to which Yuri was both wrapped up in them and gripping onto them, and their (one-sided) game of Tug o’ War ended abruptly with a thump as Yuri fell off the bed and onto the floor. 

Yuri, now fully awake, sent a glare up at Victor from his position on the floor.

Victor just laughed.

Yuri sighed, got up off the ground, rewrapped himself up in the blanket, and tried to collapse onto his bed. 

Tried being the operative word, as Victor grabbed Yuri’s shoulder before he could try to delve back into the realm of sleep, and yanked him excitedly towards Victor’s own room.

Yuri was too tired to combat Victor’s enthusiasm so early in the morning, and in short order found himself in Victor’s bedroom, where Victor shoved a wrapped box into his hands.

Yuri could only stare uncomprehendingly at the box. It wasn’t his birthday, or any other special day that he could remember, so he had to ask, “What is this for?”

Victor beamed at Yuri. “I saw it and thought of you! Open it!”

Yuri tore off the wrapping paper and lifted the lid off the box. Inside was a beautiful dark red felt jacket. It was a women’s jacket, but it was ambiguous enough that Yuri could wear it in public without feeling self-conscious about it. 

Gripping the jacket, Yuri looked at Victor, who was watching Yuri expectantly. 

Yuri suddenly flung his arms around Victor in a tight hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

The gift meant a lot. More than probably even Victor knew.


	11. Chapter 11

Yuri was getting dressed to go out. It was one of the more mild winter days, and he was reluctant to put on his coat - it was just a bit too warm for that. He sighed, stuck in his decision. Too warm for a coat, but too chilly for a simple sweater.

He sighed and pulled on his sweater, resigning himself to being just a bit cold, when he saw something red in the corner of his eyes. It was the jacket that Victor had given him only a few days before. He looked at it consideringly. It _was_ the right weight for the weather after all.

Yuri took off his sweater and pulled on the red jacket somewhat self-consciously. He smoothed it out and peered down at himself.

It actually looked pretty good, and he didn’t feel as ridiculous as he thought he would.

He nodded, grabbed his keys, took a deep breath, and left.

 

Going outside wearing the jacket was freeing. No one looked at him strangely, and he was actually comfortable.

Not to mention, it was perfect for the weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY! I know it's been a while, and this is a short chapter, but here you go!


	12. Chapter 12

Yuri woke up and immediately knew it was going to be a terrible day. He didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t want to face his own body or even acknowledge that it existed. 

Yuri pulled his blankets over his head and curled into a ball, hoping that if just stayed there like that he could disappear for the remainder of the day. It really was a bad day. Even existing in his body was uncomfortable and sickening. 

However if there was one thing that could pull Yuri from his bed, it was his workaholic tendencies. He was the type to shut up, suck it up, and suffer silently without acknowledging that there was any suffering going on at all. 

Slowly, carefully keeping his gaze up and away from his body, he slipped out of bed. He looked anywhere but at his mirror when he fished around for some of the baggiest clothes he had, and when he finally got them on, he hesitantly moved downstairs. He really didn’t want to see anyone, but he knew it was inevitable, so he went to where he knew everyone was and greeted them with a “good morning.”

Everyone greeted him as they normally did, and it made Yuri feel even worse. It made him feel so messed up and wrong, especially seeing as everyone else was acting normally. 

He was feeling so uncomfortable that he ate quickly and ran to his room to grab his skating equipment so that he could get to the rink as soon as possible, leaving little time to dwell on just how terrible he was feeling. 

After he dashed out of the house, everyone stared after him, knowing that something was up, although no one but Victor could even guess at what was wrong. 

Victor cheerfully said his goodbyes to Yuri’s family before going to his room to get his own equipment. He was about to leave when he had a thought.

He ran to Yuri’s room and grabbed the red jacket that he had bought him and put it into his bag. 

When Victor got to the rink, Yuri was already on the ice. Outwardly, he looked almost the same as always, but his skating was a mess. He missed just about every jump he attempted, and he didn’t have the same grace he usually did. 

Victor called Yuri over to him, pulling the jacket out of his bag. 

After Yuri had come out to him, he had done a little research, and he figured that Yuri was having a really bad day with dysphoria.

When Yuri skated over to Victor, Victor didn’t even bother saying anything. He made Yuri put his arms out, and put the jacket on Yuri. It fit a little awkwardly around the baggy shirt that Yuri was wearing, but Yuri visibly relaxed. It was just a little bit, but it relieved Victor. Yuri turned around to face Victor, the jacket still unbuttoned. Victor grabbed him into a hug over the wall, and they stayed like that for a few minutes.

When they finally pulled apart, Victor started buttoning up the jacket while lecturing Yuri.

“That was the worst skating I’ve seen in a long time. How are you supposed to win the Grand Prix if you skate like that? You need to keep an eye on your free leg, and your rotations in your jumps were sloppy. Your footwork needs to be improved as well, and we should work on your balance while we’re at it.”

When Victor was done, Yuri just looked at his ridiculous coach, smiled a little, and went back to the center of the rink to start his routine.

It looked much better. Victor smiled, pleased. He was looking forward to the Rostelecom Cup.


End file.
